I’m Zhdania, my orientation is heterosexual, I’m married, I have two children. My name is Viktoriia, I’m a member of the LGBTQI+ community.

How we met

We met in feminist circles, our shared activism brought us together. Before that I used to watch Zhdania on TikTok, on Instagram. But then we actually met, when I started running a Twitter account, also on feminist topics. And after that we started talking a lot and even filmed a review of “Supermama” together.

About Viktoriia I knew right away — it’s written in her profile bio, it’s out in the open. And what difference does it make to me.

“So how do you feel about it?”

When people ask me — they used to ask more, now it’s rare — how do you feel about people from the LGBTQI+ community? And every time I think: well, how am I supposed to feel? How do I feel about people with blond hair? I just don’t understand, the question itself is strange to me — how do you feel about them? Like about people? The same as about every other person I talk to or don’t talk to.

I mean, for me it absolutely does not define a person and tells you practically nothing about them, other than what kind of relationship they might build. That’s all.

First of all, people very often tell me: but you don’t look like one. That’s very funny to me, because a person doesn’t have a particular look that goes with their orientation.

And I’ve also very often heard that my relationship isn’t real, that I have no future. But I believe that any relationship between adults — a healthy one, by mutual consent — is already better than any abusive relationship. And that isn’t defined by whether it’s same-sex or different-sex.

A dead end of evolution

That a same-sex couple is a dead end of evolution. Like, they don’t have… Well, you’re not going to give birth, like, you can’t have children, end of story. And different-sex couples — sometimes they don’t want to either; well, sometimes they can’t, and sometimes they just don’t want to. So someone writes to me: well, you could adopt. And I say: yes, you could. Okay then, the dead end of evolution just closed.

And when they allow it, when they allow same-sex couples to adopt children — great, wonderful. But if, say, you have a heterosexual couple with no children and a lesbian couple with three children — which of them is the dead end of evolution? I don’t know, actually. I’ll have to ask, I don’t know.

About support

Generally, most of the people around me are also members of the LGBTQI+ community. But even so, I have received enormous support both from Zhdania and from other people. And that support is especially valuable to me, because it doesn’t even concern those people directly. I mean, it isn’t about their identity, about who they are, and yet they still spend their time and their energy to help others, to tell others, to show others that you can’t be homophobic. So I can say that I have received a great deal of support, and it is very important to me.

Almost every day — I don’t know, but often — I’m online either arguing or at least debating about how we ought to be more reasonable about this, about what the deal even is with homophobia. No, I understand that homophobes — people who don’t accept people from the LGBTQI+ community — have always existed, do exist and always will. What’s wild to me is when they use physical violence, when they harass people emotionally. And whether it’s online or not — it all affects us either way. It doesn’t work like: I said something on the internet, so it’s, like, not important, it won’t affect her. No, it will.

Everything we say and put out there affects all people everywhere. Each of us affects everyone. I mean, today I talked to three people, said something to them — and, well, maybe something shifted in them, or something stuck. They went off and talked to more people, and those people talked to more people. And that’s how one person affects a great many people.

This has to be done publicly, so that people see how important it is and aren’t afraid to join in. Maybe some people are scared — and really, someone may well be scared, scared of being judged for their views. I understand all of that. And that’s why, when you see that there are many people speaking out just as bravely, it becomes a little bit less frightening. And all of that broad, large-scale support influences the attitude toward the LGBTQI+ community in our society as a whole.

You are not alone

First of all, I want to tell them that they are not alone. And even if they aren’t ready now and won’t be ready five years from now — that’s perfectly all right. The main thing is for them to do it when they feel safe and when they know there are people beside them who support them.

Because when I came out of the closet, I didn’t have that kind of support, my friends turned away from me. And I was left completely alone. It didn’t end well. That’s why I think every person should first figure themselves out, find their inner strength. And the support of the people close to you can help a great deal with that. Sometimes not even people close to you, but strangers on the internet who can share a similar experience or say a few words of support.

Be ready for the fact that you may have to change your circle. And that’s normal. Our circles can change over the course of a lifetime anyway, and more than once. But here the thing is that this is your identity. You’re not going to change, that’s it, this is who you are. And so either people accept it or they don’t. And it would obviously be better to spend time with people who accept you, who aren’t going to judge you.

You don’t choose your family. With family, of course, this won’t work, you can’t trade your family in for another one. Either you’ll stop talking or everything will be fine — it goes however it goes. But with friends, with acquaintances — there you can work with it. And in general that kind of public support, even online on the internet, really matters. And it can help a person live through this stage more easily, when they come out of the closet, so to speak.

“It’s a disease” and other arguments

Inferior… Some people still claim that it’s a disease. Even though it was struck from the ICD 100–500 years ago. But they tell me the disease was struck off only because you pushed and forced people to strike it off, because you made such a huge fuss about it. And that everyone who does this is in it for the grants. — Right, the grants, right.

It annoys me that people fight against people from the LGBTQI+ community. I don’t understand it — because how does it affect your life at all? Just don’t build a relationship with a person of a different orientation.

“If children see it, the children will turn out the same way”… Well, yes, that’s homopropaganda. But if your son is walking along and sees two men kissing on the street — first of all, where is he going to run into that? I’ve never seen it.