Bullying based on SOGI

In this podcast you will learn why one person alone cannot overcome bullying, and how to support someone who is being bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Bullying is a systemic phenomenon. It is a form of collective aggression that is impossible to overcome on your own. For us to be able to really provide help, we need to understand that as many people as possible have to be involved, at every level.

Bullying is a dangerous phenomenon. Even if it seems that the children are just playing around, or that young people are joking, the person who is being bullied is in a state of prolonged, constant traumatization. And a person’s brain changes. Their psyche undergoes irreversible changes while they are in a situation of bullying.

People who were bullied in childhood or adolescence usually spend many years of their life getting back to normal functioning. This is long-term work with a psychotherapist, and sometimes it also involves medication. A person who was bullied in childhood has, as an adult, limited resources for carrying out everyday tasks.

Under the law, the school administration and the teachers bear responsibility for bullying

“We did not know that bullying was happening in the classroom” is not an argument. The school administration and the teachers are obliged to know and to do educational work, to inform children and parents. For example, some schools put up information posters listing the signs of bullying and advice on whom to turn to and what to do if something similar happens to you.

If bullying happens because of sexual orientation or gender identity, it is first and foremost bullying. And we work with this phenomenon in the same way as with any form of bullying. For those who initiate bullying, it makes no difference what they latch onto. That is the first thing we have to explain to the person who is being bullied.

We say that in fact there is nothing wrong with them. They are not bad, not worse than others. Even if they are different from other people, that is no reason to do to them the things that are being done. What is bad is precisely that there are people who believe it is acceptable to do to someone what they are doing to them.

We need to remember that a person who has been bullied needs constant, even daily, support and help. They may hide what is happening to them, because they are afraid that admitting it or asking for help could trigger an even bigger wave of bullying.

Once you have discovered that a person is being bullied and have talked with them, you need to draw up a plan of action for them with several options. Convince the person to ask for help. Tell them that what is being done to them is a crime. And if it is happening in an educational institution, then the administration is not doing its job and needs to be reminded of that.

What you definitely should not do

You should not threaten the aggressors, that is, the children who attacked the person we are trying to protect.

Threats and forceful methods can trigger an even bigger wave of aggression. The people in the class or the group may stop targeting this person, but they will find another victim.

The best way to fight bullying

The best thing to do is to talk with the whole group, or the whole class, about what bullying is, for example:

“You know that there is such a thing as illness. One person can fall ill, several people, a whole family — and a whole class can fall ill too. And bullying is the illness that a class or a group has caught. And this illness has to be cured. If we do not cure it, many people can be hurt.”

And we know that the consequences of bullying are sometimes catastrophic. That is why work with a group of people, or with a class where bullying is happening, has to be systematic, long-term, and intensive.

What we can do for the person

We can help them normalize their sense of themselves and overcome internalized homophobia. This is also a long process that does not happen at once. If our help is not enough, professionals in this area need to be found.

It would be a good idea to help the person draw up their own plan for overcoming the bullying.

So that they feel our support, we say that we are always there, and that there are also other people ready to help them. And it is necessary to ask the person every day how today went, and to help them track their progress.

If necessary, if the measures taken have not led to the desired result, it is worth changing schools. After all, being in a situation of bullying has its consequences. Let me remind you once again that any of our efforts to help will be futile if the person continues to remain in a situation where the very thing they were suffering from happens to them every day.

So, to sum up: bullying is a systemic phenomenon, a form of collective aggression, and bullying can be overcome by applying a set of measures, including the involvement of as many of the people concerned as possible. It is in our shared interest that bullying should happen as rarely as possible — and better still, that it should not happen at all.