Bullying based on sexual orientation and gender identity: a guide for parents, teachers and school psychologists

Bullying is not just a quarrel or an insult. It is constant, deliberate abuse that has a very powerful effect on a child. In a child who is bullied all the time, the psyche changes: anxiety, fear and a sense of guilt set in. These consequences can stay with a person for many years and can even require treatment.

People who were bullied in childhood or adolescence usually spend many years of their lives getting back to normal functioning. This means long-term work with a psychotherapist, and sometimes medication as well. A person who was bullied as a child has, as an adult, only limited resources for everyday tasks.

Who is responsible for bullying at school

School is a place where children must feel safe. That is why responsibility for the situation lies with the school administration and the teachers. They have to know what is going on in the classroom and take action, even if no one has complained directly.

The phrase “We didn’t know” is not an excuse. A school is obliged to run awareness work and to tell children and parents how to recognize bullying and what to do about it — for example, by putting up posters in the hallways with advice and contacts to turn to.

If the bullying is about SOGI, it is still bullying

If a child is bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, this is not “a different situation.” It is the very same bullying. And it has to be treated just as seriously. Whoever does the bullying is simply looking for a reason — hair color, weight, an accent, or SOGI. That does not mean the problem is with the child. The problem is with the aggressor.

That is why it is so important to let the child know: there is nothing wrong with them. They have the right to be themselves. They are no worse than anyone else and they do not deserve to be abused.

How to help a child

Do not leave them on their own.

A child may stay silent because they are afraid it will only get worse.

Talk with them.

Help them put together a plan of action. Offer several options — whom to turn to, what to do.

Offer support every day.

Ask how their day went. Reassure them that you are there and ready to help.

Do not threaten the aggressors.

That will only make the situation worse. Work with the whole class instead.

Explain to the class what bullying is.

For example: “Bullying is like an illness. It can infect the whole group. And if we do not stop it, it will harm a great many people.”

What a psychologist can do

Work with the class systematically and regularly
Help the child accept themselves and reduce their fear and shame.
Refer them to other specialists if needed.

When it is worth changing schools

If none of the measures help and the bullying continues, it may be worth transferring the child to another school. Psychological safety matters more than anything. Nothing will change if a child spends every day in a situation of danger.

Bullying is a serious phenomenon. It can only be overcome together — when teachers, parents, psychologists and the children themselves all act. Our goal is to make schools safe for everyone, no matter who a child is and how they feel about themselves.