– Hi, my name is Veronika.
– Hello, my name is Mariia. And we’ve been together for two and a half years now.

How we met

We met on an online dating site, back when I was still living in Vienna and Veronika was in Kyiv. But she was about to move to Vienna to study. Yes, to study.

I was a little scared to go somewhere where I knew no one, because I was going there to study — I had no acquaintances, no friends, no family, nobody. That, in fact, is how I met Mariia. And right from the start there was something between us — even though I was looking for friends — right from the start there was a romantic undertone, so everything became clear very quickly. I’d say it was love at first sight.

I understood right away that she was a fascinating person to talk to and a very smart one. That our views of this world, of relationships, lined up. And I thought I would feel good with her.

What we admire in each other

For me there wasn’t one instant moment, there wasn’t any single specific moment. It was more a series of moments. And every time it happened, I thought about how much I needed this. When, for example, I said something wrong and Mariia corrected me — I’d be like: damn, she’s right! God, that’s so brilliant. And it still doesn’t happen that often. And every time I think: god, that’s so cool, that’s really great. It fascinates me, and because of it I feel our relationship is constantly alive. And I’m growing a lot — precisely because I’m always learning something new. So those are exactly the kinds of moments, I guess.

What amazes me is how much love there is in her, how much tenderness. And I’d say that Veronika is a real family person. I never could have imagined I’d be this lucky with her. It’s very sweet.

For me it’s probably about the fact that I consider myself a fairly creative person. But the way Mariia makes things with her own hands — when she draws something or makes decorations, especially something for the home — to me that is always like a whole new world. I look at it and I’m like: god, how did anyone even think of this. In the best senses of that phrase. I always admire it, I can look at it for ages.

And for me it really is… Every time she draws me a card — for my birthday or for New Year’s — every time I look at it and I’m like: god, I want to stick this on my forehead and keep looking at it for a very long time. So that is probably the thing that never stops, and the thing that is always simply amazing to me.

What family means to us

For me family is close emotional bonds that let you stop worrying about how you are seen, because you are accepted just as you are. It is a feeling of home — the place you always want to come back to. It is shared goals, shared things, shared dreams.

For me it’s probably about the fact that no matter what is going on outside — with work, with other affairs, with other relationships — what matters to me is that whatever happens, I can come home to my family and feel at peace there. Because, for example, when something isn’t working out for me at work, I come to Mariia and she’s like… I say: damn, I don’t know how to edit this video, I don’t know how to do it, I’m so sick of all of it — and Mariia is like: show me the video, let me help, let’s do this, let’s do that. And I’m like: god, this is a real, genuine safe place for me. And family for me is probably exactly that: it will always be a little island of calm, of care, of letting go. And I can always count on it.

When I felt invisible

There wasn’t one specific moment for me. Because, sadly, I have felt invisible for most of my life. I was not mentioned in school textbooks, nor in the law. I cannot marry, I cannot adopt a child — and the list goes on and on. Since I have been an out lesbian for quite a while now, of course I feel it all the time, every single day. I think all LGBTQI+ people feel it all the time.

But I did have a specific moment, even a series of specific moments, when I felt the greatest discomfort. It was when Mariia had serious health problems. She was scheduled for surgery. And Mariia’s parents did not want me to be with her, to go with her, to sit with her in the waiting room. And that was terrifying for me. Because surgery is frightening in itself, and I am the only one who knows what will make her comfortable, what will make her feel better, all the other little things about her. And the very fact that I might not have access to her and might not be able to help her — that was very, very frightening for me. So that was the moment when I was furious and felt utterly unwanted by the state.

Our fears

• I am afraid that if I experience psychological, physical, or sexual violence, the law will not protect me properly or will not properly punish those who hurt me.
• I am also afraid that my child will face discrimination.
• I worry that we could be harmed by procedural restrictions in court if one of us dies — something that is very real right now because of the war.

But my main fear is that a moment will come when I will be forced to choose between my wish to live in Ukraine and my family. Because I can go abroad and have my child there, have full rights to them, marry Mariia and live an absolutely full life of my own. But at the same time I will not be in my home country. And at some point I really will have to choose.

We have no rights at all

Well, first and foremost — Mariia and I have been engaged for a year and a half already. Which means that in theory we could already be married. That is the main thing. We talk about children a great deal. Of course, we are still kind of young for that, in my opinion, but at the very least we could be planning it more concretely — that it could really happen sometime soon, and not that it might happen someday. And in this question we have a great many variables. Because right now in Ukraine, for us, having a child means either taking enormous risks or simply not having one. Of course, technically we have no rights at all.

At first, my thought was that this is yet another betrayal aimed at us. Because as it is we technically have no rights, but this law makes it so that we do not even have a chance. Not even the simple chance to get married. Or at least to be recognized as a family, to have at least some protection from discrimination. Beyond that, it was just the urge to drop everything and run away from here. Because it looks like people simply want to destroy us — very slowly, very carefully, but very deliberately, in my opinion.

I agree with Veronika — I did not feel surprise, I simply felt despair. Since the new Civil Code regulates every sphere of our lives, it is very important to know all of its pitfalls — where it discriminates against us, and not only against us. So I would like every citizen of the country, I think, to read it and to understand why the protests and the debates are happening.

What we want to say

For me it is probably first of all about the overall level of the state. Because even if you are, say, a heterosexual man and there really is not as much bad in there about you as there is about me, for example — it still was not okay with me that in the country where I live someone is being discriminated against. That someone here is uncomfortable, that someone here is not okay. And even if it does not concern me directly, I believe it is absolutely reasonable and normal, and that this is how it should be — that people care about the other citizens of Ukraine.

I would probably also like to say, or rather to ask: take every single citizen of Ukraine into account, and not only the majority.